How many women can say that they have been to birth giving before they have given birth? Well, I can! In this post I will tell you a bit how it is to be the fifth wheel in the maternity department - how I went to photograph the birth giving.
When Katrin asked me if I want to be a photographer on her childbirth, I said immediately "YES". Just a bit later I started thinking "Oh my, iI got myself into trouble again!?"
I know Katrin and Tiit for a long long time. Me and Katrin started first grade together and we have been through a lot together.
Now we can cross out the "shared birth giving", too! ✔
Anyways, after few days I understood that I said "yes" to something really big! It is as important as wedding or can be even more! I also couldnt tell about that to anyone! (Sorry, all the old schoolmates and family of Katrin!)
Days and months went by, childbirth came closer and closer. I remember that already 2 weeks before the deadline I started missing my sleep during nights. As my schedule is always full of adventures, I often dreamt that I missed her birth giving and all the phone calles I got, HAD TO BE HER!.. but NO
(I think I was even more nervous than mommy herself)
The deadline was 24th of May and I was always alert! One day over, two days.. already a week?! Wow, its pretty hard to plan your life when being a childbirth photographer. When there was already more than a week over the real deadline, Katrin also got a bit nervous. Everything was already planned, the child had to born on that day!! But NO.. (Im sure she will be a little trouble maker like we were when we were younger.)
5th of June (5 days over the deadline) Katrin wrote me that tomorrw she will go to evoke the childbirth. I was out of town like one hour, giving circus training for the children and I said that she should write me as soon as something happens!
Next morning 11.38 Katrin wrote me:
"Im going to the childbirth room, they make my water broke"
"Wait, wait, what does that mean?"
"It means, you can come!"
And then I drove there! First few hours were a lot of waiting, making fun and just chilling (at least for me and Tiit).
After a while came doctor and gave her something to arouse the birth giving. Throes went longer and longer and stops got shorter and shorter because of that substance but also the pain got stronger. It was pretty scary to look how my dear classmate is screaming like that and I cannot do nothing but stand there. Well, it was even worse, I had to take photos of how she is in pain.
Tiit had his own fight with that. When Katrin felt pain, he started laughing. It is his way to deal with pain. If he hits his foot, he laughs, if the love of his life is in huge pain, he also laughs. Its a bit weird but we all have our weirdnesses and its really sweet how Katrin was explaning with full acceptance why Tiit is laughing.
All following I was scared the most. I thought that when I see how somebody is screaming in such pain, I thought I would never want to give birth myself.
In the end it was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life so far. And all those dacts that the baby was purple in the beginning, tiit had to cut the umbilical cord, many seams etc. This will never make this huge miracle smaller in my eyes. And for sure, its so hard to express this experience in words of in photos, it can only be experienced!
Beautiful Loore Laureen who was 3,415kg when born and today she is already two months old
Birthgiving is really intimate exerience and it demands a lot of trust from people who are there. Many people ask my why I do it nad if we are crazy because its an experience you usually do not want to live over again and again because of pain. But if we start thinking how much richer in love we are now, after that, we forget the pain. Why would otherwise women do it over and over again? Just like Katrin. Loore Laureen is the younger sister of Riki Robin (4y).
Before it all started we talked a lot of things through with Katrin. What I can photograph, where I should not take photos etc. A lot of people might still think that WHY? Why we need to bring the camera everywhere today, even to birthgiving? Well, I do not know the right answer and im not sure if I want to have a photographer when I give birth. But what I know, is that I left richer - I have something extraordinary inside me now which I canoot explane. I am truly grateful for the trust to Katrin and Tiit and I would do it again!
Most of the images what we saw with our eyes, I did not capture with the camera and many photod I did capture, are not here for the public because they belong only for the eyes of the family!